I Do What I Want
09/02/15 Today, I faced one of my greatest fears. I know this sounds so so so so silly, but I have a fear of putting myself out there on youtube or other social media when it is a video of me singing and/or playing just on my own. Just playing and singing in my apartment not as part of a show or performance, etc. I have been told forever to put myself out there, just clips of me singing and playing or doing monologues or whatever and also to go ahead and create my own content. To be honest, that scares me. I have performed in from of thousands and thousands of people in theatres and in arenas and on tv/film. But what scares me the most was this. What will people think, what if I suck, do I have to listen to myself, what if there are mean trolls out there, on and on and on. Part of the reason I started doing stand up comedy was to increase my writing skills to be able to create my own content to be able to get it out there. I love telling stories and making people laugh and feel things and making people happy and encouraging people. That is why I do what I do. Most people say doing stand up has to be the scariest thing, but for me it was not. I knew my material and could adjust depending on the crowd and once it is over, it is over. Same with improv, so fun and not scary for me. But once something is out there on the Internet, it is out there forever. Scary. Plus, the comparisons between people or who sang it better or why did she not do this and again on and on. So I decided who gives an F, give fear the finger as they say at AMAW. I sang, played and now have posted a clip on youtube. Fear faced. I am still alive and feel a little exhilarated. I am going to try to continue to post clips of whatever moves me, what music I want to post or content I decide to create (side note I have something pretty fantastic in the works on this end) because in all honesty I do what I want!