03/31/14 I felt the need to choose this topic to write about after having a terrible class today. I was not into it at all and left feeling extremely frustrated with myself. I feel this way because of a culmination of events. I am just finishing up a project and have a lot thoughts and feelings I am wanting to share. As I have said before, this business has constant and ever changing ups and downs. It is definitely not for the weak at heart.
The Good...I have been so lucky to work on a few new projects for tv, film, theatre, commercials, have been in class, working with coaches, etc. etc. Things are really moving forward and I am so excited for the good things happening.
The Bad...I have had to face a situation having to make a choice between career projects and personal life. This was seriously one of the first times I have had to face such a serious situation of choices such as this. Grammy passed away and her services were the same time that I was shooting as a lead on a great project and was in rehearsals for another project. I could not go home for her services unless I give up my positions on these projects. What a decision. Grammy is such a special person and she holds such a special place in my heart. She had even wanted me to sing at her funeral. After many conversations, it was decided that I would stay in CA and work on the projects I was committed to. I was told that Grammy was so proud of me and that she would wanted me to stay and work on these good career moves. I know it is true but it is still hard not to be there, not to be with family and not to sing for her knowing that she wanted me to. A little over a week later, we had another death in the family and again could not go home to be with family. This has most definitely been one of the bad parts of this business.
The Ugly...I have literally had one of the worst experiences ever on a project, ever. It was dealing with ugly personalities. Without going into too many details or specifics, we were rehearsing and basically one of the younger cast members kept telling me how to do my part and when to do my part and then continued to talk about me behind my back and make fun of me and laugh at me. Really mature and professional. Of course being in this business, I have had to deal with divas, big personalities and immaturity, but I have not had to deal with this type of childish crap in a very long time. I let it go the first day and then it continued a second day. In this business I try not to let things bother me, have to have tough skin and always be positive. This situation occurred right about the time of the deaths I mentioned before so my emotions were already running high. After two long days of this happening, I ended up stepping out of rehearsal to the restroom to have tears rolling down my face. Never would I let anyone see this. My confidence was shot. I returned to rehearsal and as always gave my best. Also, I politely expressed my feelings to the instigator to get it off my chest briefly. Things got a little better, not fully by any means, but the show must go on. How did I let these ugly personalities get the best of me.